This ONE thing will get you through the holidays with that frustrating family member

FAMILY…Seems to often be the topic of the holidays, right?

Sometimes it’s excitement for a family gathering or seeing your cute niece or nephew. Other times, it’s pure dread about how this year’s gatherings will go.

And the truth is, family is messy, right?

Family is a big package. And sometimes the ribbons come undone.

But whatever’s in there is ours. And we can’t sort through it and choose only the parts we enjoy. Sometimes, we have to take ALL of it. Fair and square.

(Now, if you have a family member who only gives you the bad things in the package, you may need to reevaluate that package and whether it needs to be in your life. That’s a different blog post. But here we’re talking about family who give us the whole meal deal or at least family we can’t choose to let go of.)

The REAL TRUTH is: Life and family are both messy.

They’re beautiful and amazing, unfair and cruel, sad and magnificent all at the same time.

So, I’m asking you to take a step back today and put on a different lens. Not because it’s ok to be the way they are but because if you can change your perspective, you’ll at least feel a whole lot better in the process.

Today, I’m going to REFRAME FAMILY for you.

And when we see things differently, we change our experience, trust me! I can’t change your actual family. But I can change how you look at them!

So before I tell you what shifted everything for me, I’m gonna own up and tell you that when my mentor told me this strategy, I rolled my eyes and thought it was the worst advice I’d ever gotten. (Side note: whenever you’re that offended by advice, it’s a sure note to take it more seriously.)

I was having some sleepless nights over a family member who I thought was treating me poorly (and for the record, I still stick to that story😀)

And I called my trusted mentor who always has sound wisdom for me and asked her, “What should I do about this? The stress is killing me!”

I honestly thought she was going to coach me through a difficult conversation with them so I was extra surprised when she said,

“Expect nothing, be grateful for everything.”

And it has become my mantra for family members who drive me crazy.

Ok, I get it….some of you are thinking, that sounds depressing.

Expect nothing?? Why shouldn’t you hold the people who you love the most to a higher standard? Why shouldn’t we all strive to improve ourselves?

Grateful for everything??? But there’s nothing to be grateful for here.

Believe me, I was right there with you. But have patience with me for just a sec and let me break this magic mantra down…

Because it shifted everything for me.

Expect nothing…

When we hold on to expectations, we create OUR own agenda.

We ATTACH to what we want to happen.

And what happens when we ATTACH to things?….We suffer when they don’t go the way we wanted them to.

So, if you want your sister to do something for you or act a certain way and she doesn’t, then you’re sad or frustrated, right?

But what if you expect nothing?

And of course, you could also be just spinning your own story about her and she isn’t even aware of what she did. Or she could be trying the best she can at the moment and this is what she’s got.

But put all that aside and just think for a moment what it would be like to expect nothing? No expectations, nada, zilch, nothing.

Buddha said all suffering comes from attachment, he’s got a point there.

Ok, so if you’re buying this so far, stay with me here…Expect nothing and then…

Be grateful for everything.

So what if you expect nothing…and then you’re grateful for anything and everything she does right. See what I’m saying? You kind have to walk out on a limb and trust me.

When you expect less of someone, you aren’t necessarily lowering your standards. You’re actually practicing some forgiveness for them and compassion for their human inadequacies all at the same time.

And when you find gratitude for them in the little things they do right or what they give you in the rest of that package, you are having compassion for the messiness of family relationships.

Try it out, what do you have to lose? If you’re already suffering when it comes to a family relationship, this can only help.

It changed everything for me.

When I applied this to my own life, my heart lightened and my mind cleared.

Sometimes, I repeat it over and over to myself when I am having family distress and it soothes me in a way that no rationalizing of who is right or wrong or who suffered the most injustice ever does.

Look at your family, especially the ones who drive you crazy, a different way. See what happens when you wear this lens. It’s a much brighter picture, trust me.

If you found this helpful, send it on to a friend (or family member!) so you can spread the gratitude and love. And please, please, comment below or ping me and let me know if there’s.a family member you can apply this to today and how that goes. None of it works unless you really try it.

I’ll look forward to hearing from you.

And this Thanksgiving holiday, I thank you for being part of my chosen gratitude family.

Live well,

Tanmeet