Three ways to Find Resilience in the COVID19 Crisis

This is what I'm hearing on the frontline right now..."I want to be resilient, but all I feel is....fear, guilt, sadness, anger, desperation...." and on and on

It's time for a little talk down my friend...

Since when did anyone think we just have resilience or that we find it during a crisis?

No, no, no. 

Let's talk resilience. It's not positivity. It's not strength. It's not feeling on top of the world when the world is down. The dictionary definition is being "elastic" or "flexible" during a crisis and coming back to "normal" when it's done. My definition is more encompassing. I do think it means being elastic but I'd like to think it means we find a "NEW NORMAL" when it's done, that you have learned so much about yourself that when another stressor comes your way, you get to start from a new place and do it all over again.

RESILIENCE is....

• Getting up every damn day and doing it all over again

• Finding even one piece of good in the world and yourself every day

• Saying that I can find something larger in myself, something bigger than this stressor outside of myself

So how do you do that? I'm going to give you uber practical ways my friend. I want you to do these every day. Because the truth is you don't have to go from scared to calm, from sad to joyful, from angry to peaceful all in one day, week or even month. All you have to do is move one nano-step closer down the continuum and then when this is all over, you will have GROWN resilience. You don't just have it, you grow it.

So there are three things I want you to do for me, pretty please.

1. GIVE YOURSELF GRACE 

No one ever said this is supposed to be easy. You are human and you get to be human through it. You get to feel what you feel. You get to pick yourself up a million times if necessary off the floor and try again. HOW in the world are we supposed to be ELASTIC if we are RIGID with ourselves? If we expect ourselves to not feel, mourn, try new ways to get through this, explore our own personal flexibility? Give yourself grace a million times a day. 

2. FIND GRATITUDE EVERY DAY

I know you've heard me say it a million times but gratitude will save you. What it does is so big, my friend. It creates an inner landscape that is so much bigger than the one you're being given each day in the news. That landscape is doom, gloom, and fear. You need to also look for the helpers, for the beauty, for the gifts right in front of you. So promise me every day you'll share your gratitude with someone you're quarantined with or through email/phone/video with someone you can't see in person. When you do that, you're looking for the good every day and that, my friend, is growing your resilience!

3. FIND MEANING EVERY DAY

You have to find something BIGGER than what's going on in the world to tend to your inner landscape, to grow your resilience. How do you make meaning, no matter how small, each day? Do you have a ritual you can hold onto? Do you have a way to make each day sacred? Because as much as this may seem like an apocalyptic scenario (believe me, I've gone there in my mind), each day you are here is still a sacred experience. If you're like me and still need to go out into the world and work, it's a ritual before my work day, a prayer for protection, for compassion, for that grace(!). If you're at home, can you start your day with a ritual? Even just a few breaths in the morning, the first hour be in silence and no screens, or how about as simple but as extraordinary as when your feet touch the ground you give gratitude to Mother Earth, to your feet for supporting you and for another day on this magical planet? Are you getting what I'm saying? Don't let this current scenario take away the miracle of your life. In fact, use this scenario to FIND YOUR MEANING AND MIRACLES EVERYDAY!

I want you to be resilient too and you will be. Because each day you're growing it. Just understand that all you're feeling along the way is NECESSARY to grow it. You need to explore your inner landscape, tend to it and grow it to be far bigger than the crisis that disrupted it.

I want to still hear from you this week like I have been. Let me know how this landed, if it helped, what you need, all of it. Let's keep connecting. 

Live and be well,
Tanmeet