"You can't do what I just did..."
That's what my son, Zubin, said to his sister yesterday, "You can't do what I just did..."
It's a phrase most of us might call gloating or arrogant
I'm going to say that it's neither. I call it taking up the space you were meant to in this world.
For some context, Zubin is in a wheelchair and can barely lift his hands. He can't do most of what his sister or anyone else can do. And so he often feels small. He often goes to bed crying about what he cannot do.
And yesterday, he was adamant about auditioning for his high school's musical, depsite his inablility to speak loudly or even most of the time, clearly...despite his inability to sing loud enough. Despite the fact that there is an all school ensemble audition next week where he can be included in the performance.
No, he wanted a "role," he said.
So he got on that stage in that cavernous, empty and daunting auditorium, in front of two teachers and a stage manager and spoke and sang, to the best he could.
And I was so proud.
But I was even prouder when he said that to his sister. Not just because he has a disability but because I want all of my children to own what they can do. What their gifts are. What their courage gives them the capacity to do. In all the small and big ways.
We spend so much time dismissing, denigrating and denying ourselves, putting ourselves in spaces so small. That we miss out on all the spaces we have the potential to flow into.
When he said that, I thought. Yes, you are right. I am not sure anyone in our family would have done that.
That doesn't make him better than any of us. It makes his uniquely him. Just in the same way what he is unable to do doesn't make him any lesser. Yet we focus on all of the CAN'Ts and very rarely the CANs
What spaces are you missing out on by not saying out loud what you can do? What space are you not taking up?
And if you're thinking, what about all the actual arrogant, narcissistic individuals who take up space they aren't entitled to? Yes, that's an issue but I guarantee you if you are wondering what you are denying yourself, you aren't one of those people. And it's time to consider how to make yourself bigger.
The world will squash you but you will squash yourself even stronger. This week, I want you to think about one of your gifts, just one. And if you can't think of one, ask someone who loves you. I am not kidding. Ask three people you know to give you the three words they would use to describe your gifts to the world or why they love to be around you and see what comes up.
For today, I am reflecting on how I almost squashed my son as well. I honestly wanted him to audition for the ensemble so it wouldn't be hard, so it wouldn't be disappointing. But he made himself bigger than I was allowing him to be. It's not about getting a role. It's about him saying I can do this today. And saying I can't would have disappointed him more.
Let me know what space you realize you need to move into?
And as always, Live well, Tanmeet